'A Place For Friends'

Soon after reading Jenni’s recent rant, I found my girlfriend had acquired a myspace. Having been rather mean to her about it, I’ve decided instead to vent my angst somewhere no-one will mind. Somewhere, in fact, no-one will read it. Yes, that’s right: here.

Myspaces are really just extended versions of the lonely hearts columns in the papers. Want a new friend? Simply browse through your ‘friend’s ‘friends’ and choose whoever has the best film taste, the most fashionable music collection, the coolest friends, the photo most lovingly teased into perfect spontaneity. No longer for you, myspace user, the trouble of meeting new people, exploring their personality, introducing them to new ideas, tastes…. No, enough of all that foolishness! Now, thanks to News Corporation, you can carefully select only those people whose opinions won’t conflict with yours, and avoid all that hassle of debate and new experience. How nice.

I realise I am being unfair. Of course myspace is about more than just self advertisement. No, it’s far, far worse. Myspace is of course the home of ‘emo’ and as everyone knows, the true emo is the wanabe emo (paradoxical thought that may seem). ‘I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself’ is pretty damn funny. But there is a serious point that myspace is full of people who glorify their depression, self-loathing and self-harm. And that can’t be good. There’s really quite enough misery in the real world without having to create more for the sake of fashion and egotism. And, don’t forget, you, self-harming emo kiddies, are hugely privileged. Not only for living in the only time in history the whole world could be free of poverty, but in living on one of the wealthiest countries in that world. And yet, these whiny white middleclass kids still feel the world wants to know about their fictional problems.

What it’s all about then, is egos. Inflating your problems crying out for the world to listen… it’s not hard to analyse. It’s as if the new way to hide your insecurity to pretend you’re secure enough to bare your insecurities to the world. Any myspace isn’t just a way to ‘keep in touch’. If you want to say something, use messenger. Send an email. Maybe, even, shockingly, actually speak to them in person. Apparently some people still do such things. The only reason to use the comments is to show off your friendship to the world, how close, how, incredibly, Important you are to that person.

Ironically enough, one of the things I find most annoying about myspace is that I, as a arrogant non-user, aren’t allowed to view my girlfriends pictures, or post comments on my friends about how much they suck for getting myspaces. The obvious thing is to get one yourself so you can…. And then it begins. I’ll finish by mentioning, as you probably already know, that the whole thing is owned my News Corporation: Richard Murdoch. As if you needed more proof of the evil.

Incidentally, I am entirely conscious of the irony of putting this on a myspace.

But that’s ok.

Because irony

Is Delicious.